That’s how I feel right now. I don’t know why I’m so low, but it’s very hard to pull myself up and out. In some ways, it’s making me a better caregiver , because I’m more sympathetic to Adrian’s struggles. Recently we received the gift of a ” sodamaker ” machine that makes seltzer from water by pumping in CO2. I learned how to use it quickly, but Adrian has been complaining that he wants to be able to use it also. “You don’t need to know how to do it unless I die before you,” I told him. But then I relented and offered to show him. Unfortunately, with his bad eyesight and bad shoulders and arm, he couldn’t do it very easily. “This really boosts my self-confidence,” he said sadly, as I took over the job. We are old, we are old, we shall wear the bottoms of our trousers rolled. (Taken from Prufrock .) A friend called to tell me his father died. This morning I was reading Pema Chodron , and it felt so true. My immediate emotional response was that I don’t love myself. Fortunately, things change, and maybe tomorrow I will.

Original Source of When the Caregiver Wants to Crawl into a Hole